All the Kings Men
Being a man of character with Christian values is a challenge in world that has lost its way. All the Kings Men is a podcast for men who want to leave a Godly legacy. Weekly guests share their stories of how God made them victorious over life's struggles. All the Kings Men is a ministry podcast of Restoration Place. Join our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090682981273!
All the Kings Men
A Love Story Woven in Faith: Reflections on the First Year of Marriage
An enthralling tale of survival and growth awaits you with our special guests, Tori and Chandra Sapp. Listen to their candid discussions about their commitment, love, and hurdles they conquered during their first year of marital bliss. The couple walks us through everything from their serendipitous meeting on ChristianMingle.com to Tori's past experiences and their shared journey of parenting three sons. Their story is a beacon for those seeking light after recovering from past hurts and a testament to the solace they found in the couple's ministry.
Step into their lives as we explore the nuances of their roles within the family, their struggles, and the triumphant adjustments they made. Tori and Chandra bare their souls about their shared trust, the power of working in tandem, and the guidance they found through prayer, God, and a supportive, goal-oriented community. They discuss the significance of communication, conflict resolution, and how Tori's involvement in small groups and his strong relationship with God helped them navigate through the ups and downs.
The couple weighs in on the transformation they underwent due to the pandemic, the strengthening of their bond, and the healthier parent-child relationships they built subsequently. We also explore the profound revelations they had about church, connections, and facing their imperfections. Join us for a heartwarming and insightful podcast that will leave you with a renewed understanding of marriage, faith, and family.
You can reach Pastor Tony at akm@myrpt.org.
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Welcome to All the King's Men, a ministry podcast of the Men's Ministry of Restoration Place, tallahassee. Warning listeners to this podcast will hear authentic, life-changing stories from men who know Jesus and have experienced his work in their life. He prepared to be impacted by their stories and relationship with Jesus. Here is your host, pastor Tony Tolson.
Speaker 2:Good afternoon, good day. Thank you for joining us here at All, the King's Men, and we're so thankful that you chose to spend some time with us today. We have a great topic today. So many families today are finding themselves in what I call the new nuclear family that's my own term, the one that blew up and came back together, and so we're going to talk about that today. I've got a couple with me today that you will have probably heard been on the podcast before.
Speaker 2:Hopefully, if you're a faithful listener, and I want to welcome back to the podcast, tori Sapp, how are you doing? Thank you for having me. Yeah, you like that sound effect? I do, yeah, so I just I'm just so thankful, just so thankful that you guys are on today. You know this is a fun podcast because the topic is that first year, marriage how do you survive it, how do you thrive in it. And so you guys are Tori and Chandra. You guys are have survived your first year of marriage and I'm thankful to say from the outside, looking in, there's some thriving. That's happened.
Speaker 3:Yes, hallelujah.
Speaker 2:I don't see any wounds, scars, anything like that. You guys are still laughing that. I told you from the beginning. That's the key. You guys have an amazing family. As with all things, I'm sure there's things that are imperfect. We don't have to share all those on the podcast today, because everybody knows there's something in everyone's family and in every single person that we could make better right. But I just want to thank you guys for being on. Why don't you tell us, give us like the 30 second? How did you all find each other and how did you get to the engagement?
Speaker 3:Okay, so we found each other on christinminglecom. Yes, so shout out. You know, if y'all want us to do a little commercial, we're open to it.
Speaker 2:But anyways, so yeah, we found this broadcast has been underwritten by christinminglecom.
Speaker 3:Yes, that's right. So we met on christinmingle and we chat up for a little bit for a few weeks. Actually, you know how on your phone you can download the app and you have like a second line.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:So yeah, you can.
Speaker 3:So he actually was chatting with me on a fake number wasn't my real number because I wanted to test him out, because I don't know if he was like an ex murder or something. He was crazy, so yeah. So for a few weeks we were chatting on a fake number. Then I was like God was like this is your husband. I'm like okay. So I confessed and I gave him my real number and we met in person. About three weeks later. We bought, we brought my two kids and his youngest kids with us and we got engaged what? Six, eight, six, seven months later and got married a year later. And here we are.
Speaker 2:So, tori, tell me about your engagement.
Speaker 4:Well, going into the engagement, I'm nervous, you know. I just came out of a marriage for one. At first I was like I'm not getting married anymore and something just hit me, you know God, like nah, that's not what it's about being alone. So I opened myself up and actually, before I met Chandra, I met RPT and I started going to the heart heart couples ministry. I actually was going by myself because I'm like, okay, I'm going to learn the things that I need to. Once I get my wife, I'll be ahead of the game.
Speaker 2:So you're going to the couples ministry to gain skills for when you have a wife? Yes, All right. Good, that's that. Look, that's proactive right. That's what you should be doing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yes, learn some, some really good things while I'm going to the single I'm saying the couples ministry, and I am single, preparing myself because you're not going to, you're not going to find a wife there, unless you break something else up. Right, that's, that's absolutely true. Yeah, absolutely so I'm. I'm now on my going to my third marriage and I'm and I'm like what is it? What is it that I'm doing wrong? I know I'm a good guy, it's no problem we getting married, but you got game and Eric, but can't keep, can't keep.
Speaker 4:What's the deal Right and with restoration and the people I'm surrounded wrong and with the small groups, I learned and I was committed to this I mean 100, 120 all in and it's a lot of good things that happen. As we go on, I get a chance to share. I'm on that and met Shondra and start putting some tools to use.
Speaker 2:So I had the honor to do your premarital.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:And so thankful I got to do that. I always love premarital with couples who are seeking to learn. I know, and I told you this, that while the divorce rate for first marriages is 50%, the divorce rate for second marriages and thereafter are closer to 80 or 90%. And as you had kids, the the chances go higher, and so y'all had kids it's three of them right, three boys right, and so you're coming together.
Speaker 2:You got three boys. You've come in a podcast recent, talked about how you had come out of a church that was a bit abusive, so you had that going on you, shondra and Tori. You you were dealing with your own kind of insecurities. You had not yet settled into your calling at least not your current calling and you've been on a podcast recently talking about what you do with a department of juvenile justice and we need to do that again and give it update. But I'll say that it is amazing to see how God has brought you guys together, and not just together, but together in ministry right. And and, by the way, tori goes into the juvenile justice as a minister of restoration place and he goes as a fully capable minister representing Jesus Christ in the jails. And how many people, how many young men, have come to know Christ, oh ish.
Speaker 4:Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2:Like in, like 50, 54, 54 this year. Yeah, have come to know Jesus Christ through that ministry and that's your thing and we're so proud of you for that. And you, shondra, are allowing him that extra time away from the family, so you're in ministry too.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Right. So while he's gone, you're taking care of the children and washing the clothes and putting up with all the stuff that that mama's have to do or daddy's have to do when the other spouse is gone. So we're thankful for you. But during this year, all this is taking place Even at a job change. If I remember right, didn't you, tori, get a job change. You get married, you can start a ministry, you got kids that you weren't, you didn't raise completely yourself. All these change and then did you move?
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:You moved to no we, he moved, he moved. Okay, so you moved him.
Speaker 2:So now you got another guy in your house.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that I wasn't used to.
Speaker 2:Not used to. Yeah, he didn't do things like you do Not at all. And yet all this home training to do. So this is a stressful time and I'm just setting it up. It's funny, but it's a stressful time. Oh, yeah, yeah, cause you're not. You're not getting to, yeah, but you're not getting to do this in the isolation of being just a couple. You have to behave in front of the children, so you can't just throw out and carry on. You've got to keep it together because the kids deserve some peace.
Speaker 4:So talk about that first year and some of the challenges you faced, and that's what I learned with my background, talking in front of the kids, and anything was on your heart and mind First you do, you was doing it right then. So I had to learn don't do that. And that's something that I learned with counseling. Thank you, pasta Tony, your wife as well, you know it. Pasta Lepha, pasta Andrea Thank y'all so so much. And my upbringing I mean, that's how it was, that's just how it was. You go and sell it right then You're talking a lot, but that's not the way, because you teaching these kids, not aware of it, but they learning how to do this. They think this is how you solve difficult situations. It's their first school of higher education.
Speaker 2:It really is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it is yeah, but yeah, like when our first year marriage, yeah, we just it was an adjustment because, like you were saying, like I okay, me and my ex-husband, you know, we separated when my youngest was like three months and my oldest was a year and a half, so I pretty much was a single mother all their life. So now I have this grown man in my house that I'm married to and I'm like what? So I can't just make decisions for the house on my own. Like I got to talk with somebody you know I was used to it at my old church we talked about in previous broadcasts with someone running my house. But this was different because this was like somebody I was married to. This was a father to them, because their father is pretty much non-existent. So it was hard for me. I think my biggest struggle in our first year marriage yeah, and I'm still you know,
Speaker 3:I'm still dealing with it. Okay, all right, but we got your point. I'm still dealing with it. But it's like those are my babies and I pretty much was a single mother the whole time and I told my husband I was like you don't understand. First of all, you're not a mother, you're not a woman, and two, you don't understand when you're. You've been a single parent pretty much all your kids life and you were making the decisions for them. Now you got somebody else and you got to consult with them and we're different parents and it was just a battle for us to just be on the same page with raising and parenting the kids. You know cause Tori has older kids. He has four older, five older kids outside the house, but they're grown, they're moved away, but his youngest one comes with us on the weekends and my boys are there every day. So that too is was another dynamic, but we can get into that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there are lots of challenges that you guys face. Give us an example of some other challenges you all faced.
Speaker 3:Well, well, what well. The one I kind of just mentioned with when you have an outside parent that is involved in the raising of the children.
Speaker 2:Okay, so in your case, tori's ex was yeah is around, but the rest of that story is I've I've heard that you went to Washington. Dc and she was there and you went with her.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, because I'm nice.
Speaker 2:Well, I didn't say that you weren't, but I mean, I remember when Tori was telling me that you were in Washington DC, I said is that? I don't know if I'd. I said, but something like is that a good idea? Or you know all the conversations that could be had, you know? I mean like you're praying for your brother.
Speaker 3:I mean that I'm true to this. I'm not new to this.
Speaker 4:And I like the fact that everybody gets alone.
Speaker 2:Right, I know they got pictures taken together, yeah. Tori's angels.
Speaker 4:I like it. I like it.
Speaker 2:I love it. I love to give you a heart attack, but that is healthy, right. It should be like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That it should be cordial and even friendly.
Speaker 3:It should be, it is.
Speaker 2:You should be confident in your marriage and not worried about that they weren't together for a reason, but that doesn't mean that you travel together. That's a. That's a highly unusual, unorthodox behavior that shows grace, maturity, growth, confidence, a lot of things right. And what does it say to Eli?
Speaker 3:It means so much to him because when parents can see, when kids can see parents getting along and co-parenting in a way that's healthy, that does something for them, because you don't want to create and one thing we don't want to do is create a toxic environment for them, cause, at the end of the day, we all love the children and we all have the same goal, and mine is to raise them to be great men growing up. So you have to put aside all the you know we don't agree on everything. All of us have different parenting styles, but at the end of the day, it's about the child. So you have to be selfless and put aside your emotions and your feelings, your thoughts and opinions, and not just think your way is right and just focus on on the child.
Speaker 2:That's right. So what were some of the tools you guys used during this first year?
Speaker 4:Well, the biggest thing that just stuck out to me, we were all. We had a dinner, you and your wife and Sondra and I, and we were talking. I remember I was at well, it was a counseling session, that's what it was. It was a counseling session and this particular day I did. I was talking about I was very tired. We were supposed to go to the movies and I was like, man, I'm tired, let's do this another day I remember that. You know, let's just do it another day.
Speaker 4:And it didn't go well at all, and I was like why? Why can't I understand that? You know, I've been working all day, even though we planted. Why don't we do it this day?
Speaker 1:And it didn't go good at all, and we had our session.
Speaker 4:I remember saying okay, I understand, I understand you could have just gone, even if you went to sleep this, you're there, you're being you're there.
Speaker 3:So I learned from that Never helping again. I think it's because with Tori because in both him and I both were kind of single for a while, I was seeing a lot longer than him. But it was an adjustment too with because Tori he used to have to get up early and then he got off late. He had his little routine. And now it's like bam, I got two more kids and bam, I got a wife, so Tori's a homebody, he'll stay in the house. So he had to adjust to I have a family and I have to go out the house and have family time. So that was kind of a struggle for us too, because I'm all like let's go, let's go to the movies and go to the park and go to zoo and make memories, and Tori was like I kind of don't feel like it. So we had to navigate with us too, with him getting used to he's not single anymore, I'm not seeing anymore, and now we have to come together as a family and do these family events and make memories together.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. So let me ask you a question then, chandra, knowing that he's tired today, would you be more amenable to staying home?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You said that tentatively.
Speaker 3:No, I will be, I will be.
Speaker 2:No, I'm just saying I mean now that you know that he's willing to sacrifice and go, even when he is tired I am you would be more like okay it's okay. You've got. You've got equity in the bank.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:So I trust that you're not going to do this every time.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:And you put your foot down and set an example of that particular instance which, frankly, us men need that because we don't learn just through. Would you please come, I really need you to come. We'll be like, no, we need to go to bed. And we go to bed and we think, okay, we had a nice conversation. And the wife is like no, no, we did not, you just went to bed. So they have to put the hurt on us for us to understand.
Speaker 1:Hey, hey, hey hey.
Speaker 2:Right, but that's how we hear. Yes, that is how we hear. Right, they got to bring the mama voice out for us to hear that this is not going to work. Oh yeah, because anything short of that for a lot of especially early in marriage, we don't even hear it at all. We think we've had a nice conversation and we've got it what we needed, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:And Tori, he's, he's. He's definitely shown me that he's. He can be flexible and he does so much, like I said, going to the detention center and he's also a mentor too. And then how he works and he, he does so much. So it's constant. Some's like baby, just stay in the house and get some rest because he does so much. But now that we're in the house together and I see what he does day in and day out, it causes me to be like you know what? I have to be more flexible and understand the right, and that happens over time, right?
Speaker 2:So, yeah, so that was in your first year yet and negotiate how all that works Right. Yeah, so what are some other tools you used, well?
Speaker 4:I tell you what. I'm just going to keep it real. The first year it was like very, very, very, very hard. There has been times when I said why did we get married? What, what is happening?
Speaker 3:I mean seriously, oh yeah, I said it too.
Speaker 4:And at the end of the day I prayed. I know I love God, she loves God, want to get to the same place. So what it is, and like the tools, like I said, with the small groups I went to as a part of the restoration with schools ministry. That was very, very helpful.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that was almost a year program, right, oh yes, and a silver that just stuck out just to me. I mean ministry to the Christian home. And I'm knowing that, okay, and this I'm the man, not the man. But I got to be the man and it had been sometimes where I had to be the man and I'm saying to myself, okay, I know it's not going to be good for her, she's going to not going to accept this. I know she's going to be mad, but who would I rather be mad with me, god or her? And I mean it really really stick to it.
Speaker 3:Yes, I mean stick to it.
Speaker 4:And it was hard. It was difficult, but it worked out. It did work out.
Speaker 2:So and it sounds like you respected it in the long run.
Speaker 3:No, I did, because that's what I pray for. I pray for a man that was going to. You know, people might disagree with this, but hear from God more than me, because if a person is a leader, you expect them to have more tools and knowledge, not sound. Have my own relationship with God, cause I do. I don't read his word, cause I do, but I wanted somebody to lead me and he was that.
Speaker 3:But just him actually doing it was a battle for me, cause I'm a strong woman and I don't have to make my own decision. I don't have to do this and do that. So to have a man come and and not just tell me what to do, in a sense, but just say, well, hey, baby, I think this is how we should do, this is a better way. It was like but you don't say about me, you know. So I had to adjust to him being who I pray for and it sounds weird, cause you're like well, god, I pray for this and when I get it, I'm like I don't really know if I wanted it, but it's not okay. I didn't want it at the time, but I needed it. I needed it, my boys needed it. They need to see a strong man, godly man, a figure in the home. So I mean, at the time it was hard for me to adjust to, but now I'm glad that he is who he is and he didn't budge from that.
Speaker 2:And let me take a quick commercial break, so to speak, on that topic, because when you talk about the man being the leader, there are some people that will immediately just turn off in their mind that this is now some type of right-wing conversation. The fact is is Chandra is a very capable person who doesn't need a man in the sense that she can make her own.
Speaker 2:she can go out and make the money, buy the bacon, bring home, cook it up in the pan, take care of the kids, juggle, juggle everything and then at the end of the night still have a few minutes, kick her feet up cause she's in control. She got this thing.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 2:But here's the difference between someone who has to give up a part of the decision making and gets to give up some of the decision making. Chandra's in the ladder of the two. She didn't want to have to make all those choices, so, because she didn't, she gave that responsibility to Tori, and that means that if he makes the wrong choices, it's also his fault, it's not yours, and that frees you then to make other choices because you're not worrying about those. And so the biblical model of the family isn't to make the woman less, it's to free the woman to do things that a man can't do or doesn't do well, and to give the man the things that a man can do well, and that and I'm. There is no particular list of those things, because every man's different and every woman's different. But it is not about a man seizing those things, it's about a woman giving those things.
Speaker 2:It is a responsibility, it is a weight on the man's shoulders. It is not something you take, it is something you receive from your wife. And so that that's the end of my commercial break. I just think it's really great that you guys have come to a place where you have negotiated some of that. Obviously, you'll have more, but you've negotiated enough of that that you now understand some roles that you you tried to negotiate before you got married, but it's it's only on paper. Then Right, once you get married, it's the real deal.
Speaker 3:It's different. And, yeah, one thing you know, in every man or woman relationship manager might be different, but with me I'm I'm more emotional than Tori, so that's why it's important for him to make the decisions, because sometimes I can make decisions off of my emotions and my feelings, and we all know you can't do that because your emotions and feelings go up and down. And so he's more, so. He's levelheaded, because what he's going to do, he's going to pray and he's going to seek God before he makes decisions. And that's important when you have someone that's leading a family that they just don't make decisions off of on a whim, because I feel like, if they make decisions, because they're looking at long term and what's best for everybody in the whole household. So, and with what?
Speaker 3:The other tools that I know tools I've used is, of course, prayer.
Speaker 3:That's the main tool, because I have to go to God about me all the time, because you can see things in your way and that's not the right way, and so it takes prayer for you to say, okay, god, help me as a spouse, to humble myself in this area, and it really takes the Holy Spirit to do that.
Speaker 3:So prayer is a big tool for us in order to love each other, like God wants us to love each other. And just being around other couples, like he was saying, with the heart to heart, you and your wife, and past the left and past the Andrew, and different couples in the church, different points I know I have went to them, the women. Hey, I'm dealing with this, I'm dealing with that. And they're able to say, hey, look at it like this, try this, try that, because you can't do this alone and that's restoration plays big on. Don't do life alone. You need other people that's trying to live the same life as you and that have been through the same path as you to help you see things in a different way. So that really helped. That was a big help to me.
Speaker 4:Listening. Even if you don't agree on something, hear them out, you know, listen. One thing that really really stood out was a battle with me and it was when we got married and I'm getting into the ministry and I'm driving, so I'm used to having my own monies and significant pay cut. To really look at it with the world you more vocal gets me, you got money. You in a relationship, it makes you feel like if I ain't got money, I ain't got no voice, like that and things like that.
Speaker 4:I started feeling those type ways and it wasn't easy. But after talking my wife was listening to me things did come around and I saw that, okay, you still can be the man in your home, even though you're not making the most money, and being a godly man, not just a man. You got to be key on that, a godly man, and I know that once a woman sees that you are following God and being a leader, kind of minded like, okay, making kingdom decisions, you know we came better, got better, but it was hard for me when the financial part and your struggles, but it's more better.
Speaker 3:But that's a good point, because I had to listen to, I had to hear his heart and how he felt, because you know my husband he's not very, he doesn't communicate a lot. I do all the talking for everybody in the house but it really took him really opening up and communicating how he felt with situations like that and me as a woman having to say you know what he's telling me, how he feels, which is not going to happen that often. So if he's telling me, that means he really need, I need to hear this. So I had to listen to. So by me listening to his heart and his maybe vulnerabilities and insecurities like I have mine, that helped me to approach him different and when he says things, kind of have more grace with when he says things that I don't agree with, and same thing vice versa with me as well. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so when we talk about tools, we're talking about things that you can use to help resolve a conflict or a challenge at the time, which those tools can be anything from the things that you guys mentioned to really anything that helps you pause and take a path. That's going to be about resolution rather than conflict. So if you see yourself getting into a conflict, it's almost like a safe word, right, like when you say this we stop what we're doing, right, and and we, we listen more than we talk, and the problem with most of us is we like to talk a lot more than we listen.
Speaker 2:And it's hard. It's hard to stop behaviors that are habits, and in marriage it's the best place to stop habits, because your spouse is usually not shy to tell you what your habit is.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Renee knows me like the back of her hand, probably better. She spends more time looking at me than the back of her hand right, and so she focuses on me. She's made me bet a better man. It has not been easy in the sense that I always was willing to give in and hear it. She had to fight a little bit to get me to hear her, because my natural defenses kind of go back to you, not my mama right.
Speaker 2:You ain't telling me what to do. You ain't my mama. I'm a man. I'm a man and that ego pops up in me and it's the opposite of helpful. As I'm doing it, I'm like shut up, shut up, and the whole time what's coming out of my mouth is I'm a man, you can't tell me what to do, and the whole time the reasonable side of me is going. You're hurting your own self here. Stop yourself. But my ego won't shut up.
Speaker 2:And as you, further along in your marriage, hopefully this is what will happen for you if you follow after God and you chase hard after each other as much as you did during your dating years, is that you'll stop fighting with the truth that your spouse is sharing with you, because it's for your own good that they're sharing it. So these tools have been helpful to you. Are there any others that you call out?
Speaker 4:Well, not just communication, but not just communication. But how are we gonna communicate?
Speaker 4:My son has been very instrumental with me because, like she was saying, I've since we've been talking to my dog kids with us. I do have five other kids from 31 years old to 19. And we have good relationships. Working on one really, really hard, I have a daughter fam. You. Now I'm Junior and Chandra has helped me how to go about things with them and talk with them, and we are communicating better. We always communicate it, but we are communicating better and coming closer and making it healthier. So, mom, that transfer from us to them when we're healthy makes other
Speaker 4:relationships healthy. That's what I've gotten out of it. Something hit me like a ton of bricks and all these goals together, because I got all this from the church and that helped me. And as Chandra was talking about how I helped her, she helped me, and that's what it's all about Helping others. But Sunday everything seemed like a ton of bricks. Deon ministered and at the end I thought about it. She was in. She was in the school too, when Pastor had the vision that he had and seeing all of it coming together, the small groups and different things people are doing, and all this and it's helping families, and people are talking to individuals like, oh man, this is what it is and helping my family and helping me be able to talk with my boys, because that's what we're doing now. I'm talking as much as I can about relationships and going about it the right way and things that I have learned, and I'd be like, hey, we learned it together.
Speaker 1:You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm saying we end this together.
Speaker 2:So and for those who aren't Restoration Place members or attenders. Let me just give you some context. Before the pandemic probably about 2018, we did a year long school of Restoration, school of Leadership and Ministry, and it was a college level type teaching and class structure in which there were papers and other things that were written and the students, the participants, committed to that entire year to be there to participate, to learn and to be leaders afterwards. So they were being developed into something further, and so our pastor, richard Ledford, had very clear vision of where we were going. What Tori's saying is it's coming to pass, it's coming together. It didn't come together for a long time, right? I mean, we're talking about 18, and then maybe 22,. Early 22 is when it really hit right, it really started.
Speaker 2:So he cast this vision in 18. It took five years to get there. We had staff changes. All of that started to help and it wasn't about the staff changes that we didn't do that for any particular reason, but with those staff changes the right people got into the right spots. That brought that vision to pass organically, like it was in their DNA. They're not even working to make it happen.
Speaker 2:And what the transition happened between restoration people came to hear Richard Ledford preach to coming to restoration to not that they didn't. I'm using this very broadly, it's a broad brush, so I'm not saying that people only came to hear Richard Ledford preach. But we didn't have small groups. We didn't have Sunday schools. We had Sunday morning and we had Wednesday night for the longest time and that was it. And there were no small groups. There were no other functions. I think there was a senior group.
Speaker 2:So the only interaction you had was when you came. You heard the preaching and the worship, which Pastor Deon does an amazing job, and her team, pastor Erica and all the others, pastor Ben they do an amazing job. But the connection with others were up to you to greet people around your seat and try to connect with people and it just wasn't happening for most people. So we believe and Pastor said this and I believed it and have believed it that real growth comes in small groups. Jesus didn't gather 5,000 and disciple 5,000, he gathered 12, right, and that 12 changed the world. And so I will say that this vision, this change in our church, has resulted in a change in a lot of people and the way they look at church, and I think it was so amazing. And small groups are not a new concept, but it was the timing was after the pandemic. We needed each other.
Speaker 2:We didn't just need to hear the word, because we've been hearing the word, because our church was already media savvy. I mean, we were already broadcasting, things just continued right. We nothing changed. People just weren't coming to the building, but they were connecting. They were still giving. 75% of our giving always happened online. People were mailing in and dropping off. We had a drop box installed in the door so people could give. Nothing changed because they weren't really connecting with each other in groups anyways. But after the pandemic people needed each other. They wanted personal touch and interaction. Where we couldn't get traction before, people ran to it after the pandemic and it's become the foundation of our church. And I just want to give that context, because so many people listen to this that are outside of our church and it's just so important to see that through those ministries it's even helped you guys form as a couple right.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 4:Right when Pastor got up there Sunday and he was saying how the enemy was taking over the last four years, that's when it hit me. The enemy saw what was gonna happen with all this and he wants to literally take him out and I was like, wow, that's what it was he was going to. The future was happening and that's why, during that time, he wanted to take Pastor out. That's why I looked at that and I was like there it is. They want to see none of this happen, Because every time you turn around for something going on trying to take him out, take him out.
Speaker 2:So that revelation, man, it was like wow, it's a good stuff and because of that, while pastors not ready to retire, we're in a much healthier spot than we've ever been. We've got a few different people who preach on some regular basis not always Pastor Ledford. He's comfortable with that. He trusts that. He didn't trust his pulpit like that before Because of what the enemy meant for evil, god meant for good. God turned that upside down yes, he did, and the victory's been had over that. So when pastor's not in the pulpit, it everybody's there, just like they were before it used to be. If pastor was going to be out, we kept it a secret because half the people didn't show up, right, we wouldn't tell anybody hey someone says preaching next week because we knew the attendance would be 25, 50% of what normal, yeah, that's not how it is today.
Speaker 2:Right, because we're healthy, we know we're. We're looking at the word of God as being delivered through the power of the Holy Spirit, not just a man or a woman Right. Right, and we love our pastor and we love the, the ministers of our church, but we love Jesus a lot more. That's right.
Speaker 2:We love Jesus a lot more, and in your marriage that's what's happening. Okay, let's wrap this up. So let's do a two minute lightning round of the best tools that you guys have found at work in your marriage. Don't talk about them, just list them. What you're going to do. One, chandra. You're going to do one till we run out of options. Go, chandra, best tool.
Speaker 3:Listening.
Speaker 4:Compromise.
Speaker 3:Patience.
Speaker 4:Leader.
Speaker 3:Forgiveness.
Speaker 4:Self-control.
Speaker 3:Humility.
Speaker 4:Talk less Wow.
Speaker 3:Spending quality time connect to intimacy.
Speaker 2:With kids that can be hard right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it can be, but if you want it, you can you can make it happen.
Speaker 4:You can make it happen.
Speaker 3:It takes work, but it can happen.
Speaker 2:Yep More energy, more energy, yeah, five hour energy. Take your B12 baby, oh God. We can talk about that later. We can talk about that later.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:That's another. That's another podcast.
Speaker 3:Another tool is, you know, like I said, just prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer.
Speaker 2:Okay, one more. I knew he would pause on this, that's why I would point you out on this Fellowship and with other like minded couples. Or as the world we call it hanging out with other people like you. Amen, amen. That's. That's your final, that's your final tool. That's all there is. Amen, sela.
Speaker 2:That, that that's towards that Well, thank you guys for joining. I'm so thankful for you. I'm thankful that God has had the victory here, and I just would challenge you both to stay faithful to him. Make him the center of your marriage, and then all the other problems will seem a lot less.
Speaker 2:That doesn't mean they're gone, but you know he's got a solution because you're called together for a purpose and it wasn't just to be partners in life in a marriage, but to make a difference for the Lord and you're doing that, and so if you're listening and you are in a situation where you you're wanting to be married and you need some tools, tori Sapp would be a great guy to sit down with and talk about. What kind of preparation did he do to be capable of being a married man again? Because we need to prepare for the roles in our life. When I'm looking for a new job, I have to prepare myself for that role. If I'm looking for, if I'm going to pick up a new trade or a new skill, I have to prepare for that.
Speaker 2:The same thing is true in relationship, and if you are in a relationship and you're like, oh, what we do is have conflict, it's just beating heads against each other. I mean, what's like two rams bucking each other up. That's not at all what God called for you to have. Get ahold of somebody, a married couple, that you and that you respect, and spend some time with them, and just get real and say, look, we're struggling in our marriage and don't be embarrassed because they struggled in their marriage.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 2:I will tell you, as a church restoration place, we have a missionary on our team right here locally in Tallahassee that we support every month. That specifically supports couples in crisis in their marriage, because we believe in the family so much that we knew we needed somebody outside of our church that has a counseling background and works with individuals to help them get through a difficult time. Apart from the pastor, apart from the people that they interact with all the time, because sometimes people are a little embarrassed and they don't want to go to counseling with their pastor or share too much, because they still want to be able to shake their hand and not think, ooh, what do they think of me? Not that our pastors would ever feel that way, but we get.
Speaker 2:Our marriages are so personal and intimate. So we wanted one removal we don't ask, we don't want and we would reject any feedback from that individual relative to what they've talked about, because that's not what the role is and we've shared that with them. We send someone over to you. We don't want you to report back to us at all. You can report back that you've met with them, nothing else.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And so we've got that resource and I would tell you if you're out there and you need additional support, you need some help, you need someone to talk to you. You can email AKM all the Kingsmen at myRptorg, AKM at myRptorg, We'd be more than thrilled to spend some time with you, put you in contact with the right person. But, in all things, just remember love is the most important thing and show grace to each other, and I want to thank you for joining us tonight. Shandra and Tori. We always have fun when we're together. You're two of my favorite people.
Speaker 3:And likewise.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just good to have people yeah, just good to have people that you just hang with and be real. You guys know I'm not perfect and that's the way I want to keep it. I want you to know that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, renee told me, you weren't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, and you just look. If you live in that, then you're not going to be shocked when you see it. That's what I want, right? But I'll tell you, I'm so thankful and, for everyone who's listening right now, thank you for joining us and make sure that you share this and like this, because there are people out there If you're not the one that this was intended for there's someone out there who's going through something like this and there's an answer and we can help you get there. And so, on behalf of all the Kingsmen, we thank you and we will see you next time.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining us today on All the Kingsmen. Please share, subscribe and like the podcast anytime you can. To contact Pastor Tony, email Tony at myRPTorg. He would love to connect with you On behalf of Pastor Tony and all of us at Restoration Place. Have a great week and we will see you next time.
